dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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