yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize