I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
