She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
