DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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