I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
