I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
