Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
