so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
