You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
