My hair reeks of homosexuality.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
