i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
