The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
