Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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