He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
