Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
