I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
God gave him joint rollers for hands
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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