How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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