He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
