I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
