What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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