Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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