Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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