i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
