I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
