you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
