She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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