Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
