dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Drake has all the answers
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize