People with herpes should wear stickers.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize