Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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