Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
