He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
