Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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