god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
