The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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