How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
