is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
