I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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