Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
