why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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