I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
