dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize