Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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