I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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