Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
