last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
