I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
