i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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