you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
