This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Randomize