We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize