plz talk dirty to me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
