He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize