Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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