i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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