I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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