my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
