am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
