apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
