saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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