he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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