Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
