her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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