I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
