She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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