There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
